


The Cantina Chronicles

by fandomfix



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble Collection, Fade to Black, Flower Crowns, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Kylux Cantina, Light Angst, M/M, Music, Post Mpreg, Pre-Slash, Romantic Fluff, Spring, mentions of anxiety attacks, the author attempts to write smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 20,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10411653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfix/pseuds/fandomfix
Summary: A gathering place for the pieces I've written for the kylux cantina.





	1. Week 1: Travel

**Author's Note:**

> So the kylux cantina is happening, and i wanted to let people who don't go on tumblr get a chance to read the drabbles i posted. These are all very lightly edited, so if you catch mistakes let me know :D
> 
> This first one is for the prompt: "[...] drive back home, still with nothing to say / Except that now you will uncode all landscapes / By this: things founded clean on their own shapes, / Water and ground in their extremity" - Seamus Heaney, "The Peninsula"

The day was coming to an end, and Kylo was glad. He was tired. Tired of the crowds of tourists and tired of the noise said tourists made. The sun beat down on them all day and even when he’d had a hat forced onto his head, he still got a headache.

The sky out the window was sprinkled with stars, and the water down below the road made soft noises, the beating of the waves against rocks.

In the seat beside him, over the quiet rumble of the motor, Hux was driving.

He hummed to himself, so quietly that he probably didn’t realize Kylo could hear it. Kylo didn’t _want_ him to know he could hear it. He would stop.

This was the day. They had planned this date weeks ago, back when things were easy and new. Things were still somewhat easy, although the honeymoon period was definitely over. But this had been the day Kylo realized this was _it_ for him. He was never going to want someone else.

He turned his eyes away from the sky and the water, turned to look through the darkness at the man next to him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life discovering this man, fighting with him and discovering who he was. How he fit into this world.

Wanted to look at him every day for the rest of his life, with the sounds of waves and music in the background. When the night shadowed his face, and when the sun caused his red hair to gleam.

He smiled, and reached for the hand resting on Hux’s leg.


	2. Week 1: Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Being stuck together in a small hut on a desolated planet during a severe thunderstorm.

“This is all your fault,” Hux said. Kylo couldn’t help but roll his eyes and regretted that the mask covered his face. He would have loved to see Hux’s reaction.

“I don’t recall being the one who wandered away from the rest of the team, _General_.”

Hux huddled closer to the pitiful fire in the center of this Force-forsaken hut. It was nothing more than four walls and a ceiling, and the ceiling was just barely protecting them from the pounding of water above.

It had been hours since they lost sight of the rest of the landing team, and while Kylo normally would have been able to sense them, something in this storm was interfering with his powers. Because of course it was. He would have been surprised if anything went easily when dealing with the general.

He could admit in the privacy of his own head he didn’t _always_ dislike Hux. In fact, most of the time he was mildly lusting after the man. But that didn’t stop him from finding him to be one of the most obnoxious people he’d ever met.

A control-freak who never listened to advice from anyone else. Even when that advice was as simple as “I believe there is a storm coming, you shouldn’t venture away from the rest of the team.”

All he’d gotten for this moment of kindness (weakness) was a huff and an implication that he was a coward for not wanting to explore a barren, unknown planet in the rain.

And now they were separated from everyone and he didn’t even want to think about how this hut got here.

But he did want to get warmer, because _apparently_ the temperature dropped significantly when it rained. He didn’t want to freeze before it let up enough for them to contact the ‘troopers.

“Do you want to…” he began, trailing off with no real idea of where that sentence had been going. He simply knew he was cold and bored and Hux was looking pathetic across from him.

“What, Ren?” Hux still sounded annoyed, but he hadn’t said anything since Kylo snapped at him, so he assumed he had at least a minute to speak before Hux became unbearable again.

‘ _It would be better if I just do it_ ,’ he thought, huffing and standing up. He walked around the sad fire to Hux, collapsing down next to him. Before Hux could do more than gape like a fish, he threw his cloak around the two of them, pulling Hux as close to the fire as he dared.

He expected outrage. He expected spluttering or at the very least angry whining. What he didn’t expect was for Hux to cuddle closer to his side, looking at the fire with a determined focus. It made something warm unfurl in Kylo’s chest, and he suddenly realized that he _didn’t_ want Hux to see his face. It would probably embarrass both of them.

After a few tense minutes, the only sounds being the rain and the slight crackling of the fire, Hux placed his head on Kylo’s shoulder. His breathing began to level out. Kylo reached an arm around his waist and pulled him in. He began to feel warmer immediately.

Kylo drifted off soon after, wrapped securely around Hux, as the sky continued to gush above them.


	3. Week 2: Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: flower crowns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is super cracky. i'm not even a little ashamed

Kylo walks up to him and Hux doesn’t know what to say.

“Where is your mask?” He finally settles on, taking in the man before him. Everything is the same, down to the raggedy robes and the ridiculous lightsaber. But instead of his mask, he has a bright circlet of flowers laying on his head.

Kylo shrugs, moving past him as if there is _absolutely nothing strange_ about what he’s wearing.

“You said these people were peaceful and actually wanted to meet with us for a change. I figured it would be better if I looked less threatening.”

He keeps going, and Hux turns quickly, rushing to match pace. _Where did he even get the flowers?_ he thought, still unable to reconcile what he was seeing.

“You look like an idiot,” he says. Not necessary to let Kylo know that in all actuality, the little orange and pink blossoms look very attractive against the black backdrop of his hair.

Kylo turns to look at him, something softer about the grin on his face. Hux has the sinking feeling that he picked up on his thoughts. And the warm feeling in his chest is not something he feels like examining too closely right now.

They continue walking, finally meeting up with the stormtroopers who were standing a bit ahead of them. They all go eerily silent when Kylo approaches, and Hux knows they are doing their best to keep their heads attached to their bodies. The lightsaber continues to glint in the sunshine.

“Let me know if you want one,” Kylo’s voice murmurs from just above his ear. He turns to look at Kylo, and sees the other man surreptitiously pull something out of the folds of his robes. He looks ahead to check, but all the ‘troopers are keeping their heads forward with determination. Hux glances down at Kylo’s gloved hands and sees a slightly smashed flower crown in his hands. It is covered in little blue and purple flowers.

“I made you one too,” he whispers, his cheeks turning pink, but his deep brown eyes looking confident. “But only if you want it.”

Hux mumbles out some words of thanks, not sure whether the consideration flatters him, or if he’s desperately embarrassed for the ridiculous man.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kylo straighten some of the petals of Hux’s crown. He feels his cheeks explode with heat.


	4. Week 2: Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _Week 2: Springtime - Forgetting the clocks go forward and running late_ by isaharan

“Where are you?”

The voice was stressed and angry, and if Kylo didn’t know that specific voice so well he wouldn’t realize it was also worried.

“What?” He asked, his voice garbled and confused. He hadn’t been expecting the phone call, after all it was only 8 o’clock in the morning. He wasn’t supposed to meet up with Hux for another hour, which meant he had another good forty-five minutes of sleep ahead of him.

“I’m here and you aren’t. I know you are perpetually late, but I _thought_ this was important enough to be on time for a change.”

Kylo frowned even though he knew Hux couldn’t see him. Today was the day they were supposed to get breakfast with some of Hux’s work friends. Kylo hadn’t really understood what the big deal was, but he also wasn’t about to tell Hux no. They’d been dating for a few months now, and this was the first time Hux had offered to introduce him to any of the people from his personal life.

Despite the caustic comment from Hux, he _did_ know how important this was.

“What are you talking about? You said nine. I’m not supposed to be there for another hour.”

There was a long silence, so long that Kylo was just about to pull the phone away from his ear and check they hadn’t been disconnected, when Hux sighed.

“Kylo,” he said, his voice sounding just a tad hysterical. “Did you change your clocks?”

This time Kylo did pull the phone away from his ear to stare at it in confusion. In doing so, his eyes drifted up to the corner, where the little clock said _9:10._ He looked over at his alarm clock.

_8:10._

“What?” He asked, although this time his voice matched the tenseness of Hux’s.

“Daylight Savings Time, love. I’m guessing it’s starting to come back to you?”

“Shit,” he whispered, although the laugh on the other end of the phone told him it wasn’t quiet enough. “Hux, I’m so sorry.” He jumped out of bed, holding the phone against his shoulder as he scrambled to find the clothes he’d been planning to wear.

“It’s ok,” he responded, his voice sounding calmer and _much_ less angry. “Just get here safely. I’ll tell them you got held up. Be glad this is your first time meeting them or else I might inform them of your shame.”

He laughed, wrenching a shirt out of his dresser. They hung up, and he threw his clothes on quickly, running his fingers through his hair. They would just have to deal with knowing how much of a mess he was.

Before he ran out the door, he stopped and changed every clock in the house.


	5. Week 2: Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _allergies_ by indecisivecerberus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fun facts about this one: I've been super sick this week and when I get sick my asthma acts up really badly so basically I was placing all of my physical woes into this prompt.   
> And I've totally said that thing about autumn to friends before. I essentially turned myself into Hux for this prompt.

Hux takes another gasping breath and Kylo looks at him in concern.

The sneezing started a week ago. When the first buds began appearing on the trees, he’d seen Hux groan and squeeze the ridge of his nose.

“It’s my bloody allergies,” he’d said with extreme ire. “This is why I like autumn. Everything _dies_ in the fall.”

Kylo had chuckled, thinking nothing of it. When he imagined allergies, he imagined cute little kitten sneezes like the ones Hux was always trying to stifle. He thought of perhaps a more extreme headache that would keep Hux from wanting to spend time outside in the sunshine. He’d even considered extreme red eye.

He hadn’t counted on the asthma.

“It’s because of all the pollen,” Hux said, in between wheezes. “I’m allergic to it, and so when it gets really bad it messes with my asthma.” He began to say something else, but was caught off by another cough.

Kylo couldn’t help but watch him in concern. He wanted to do something. Pat his back or brush his hair out of his face. Trade his lungs for Hux’s so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his faulty breathing anymore.

That last one might have been a bit extreme, so Kylo didn’t voice it.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Hux took a hit on his inhaler, shooting back another allergy pill moments afterward.

“No darling, but thank you. Steam just makes it worse no matter what they say, and the only way it would subside right now is if I went into a completely sterile room.”

“So…your bedroom at home?”

It had the intended effect, getting Hux to smile. He leaned his head against Kylo’s shoulder, making sure to keep his back completely straight and upright.

“Well yes, but you wouldn’t be there. Would sort of defeat the purpose of coming to get your sympathy, now wouldn’t it?”

Kylo laughed, leaning over to rest his head on top of Hux’s. Both of their bodies shook with each of Hux’s wheezing coughs, but neither moved.


	6. Week 2: Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Hades x Persephone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so proud of this one you guys don't even know. Sometimes a prompt just _speaks_ to you and that was this one for me. I hope you like it!

It was time to relinquish him. This wasn’t something the god of the Underworld relished. In fact, if he had his way they would never be parted. But it had to be done. The goddess of the Harvest— _Kylo’s mother_ —wouldn’t stop her attacks otherwise. Intellectually, he knew it was better to give Kylo back to her. It didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.

“Mother will never give the mortals any peace unless I am returned. She will never give _us_ any peace unless I return.” Kylo said, standing before him as they waited for the messenger god to come and carry him away.

“Am I so revolting that you wish to leave?” He asked, not certain he wanted to know the answer. The small smile gracing Kylo’s lips was a comfort.

“Don’t be stupid. I wouldn’t have followed you here if I was revolted by the sight of you.”

He huffed, glancing away so Kylo couldn’t see his answering smile. “Don’t be ridiculous, I kidnapped you and kept you here against your will. Hadn’t you heard? It’s what your mother’s been telling anyone who will listen.”

Kylo stared at him, the same intense look in his eyes that had captured Hux what seemed like a lifetime ago. The same look that had both damned him and saved him. He wasn’t sure if it was appreciated or not.

“And did you force me to eat?”

The confusion in Hux’s eyes was real. “What are you talking about?”

Kylo put his hand into his pocket, pulling out the remains of six tiny pomegranate seeds. Presenting them to Hux, the silence of the room was deafening.

“Kylo,” he whispered in horror, although a smile was threatening to tug at his lips. “What did you do?”

“Ensured that I’ll return to you. Mother may want to keep me with her always, but I am not a child anymore and do not belong only to her. I’m choosing my own path.”

He took Hux’s clenched hand and placed the seeds into it.

“This is my promise that I’ll return to you.”

They both stared, neither hearing Poe enter the room to separate them. They simply smiled at each other.

Hux pulled him in for one more kiss, one that was returned enthusiastically.

Keeping a grip on the man’s hair, breathing in the smell of fresh air and flowers that always lingered around him, Hux put his mouth to the other man’s ear.

“I will hold you to that. And I never forget a promise.”

The arms around him squeezed just a little bit harder and Hux pressed a smile into his head. Spring might be leaving, but it would come again.


	7. Week 3: Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: signing a letter

Hux wrote his letter to his father, trying to fill it with as much formality as possible. Trying to keep the giddy feeling of joy out of his written words. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

He and his father always had a difficult relationship. Between his father’s very rigid opinions about the world around them and his extreme disapproval of his only son being in a relationship with another man, conversation with him had always been difficult.

Hux was almost glad when Kylo’s business forced them to move four hours away.

His father never liked telephones, but still insisted on hearing from his son every few weeks, so letter writing it was. Kylo sometimes made fun of him for it, but despite the recipient, he enjoyed it. It was a soothing way to spend an hour, trying to remember everything that had happened to him in the past weeks, and deciding what was worth telling father about.

It just so happened that he didn’t want to tell his father about the biggest thing to happen to him since his last letter.

His eyes strayed to his hand, the one with the brand new, glimmering ring on it. The perpetual smile on his face grew larger. They’d eloped a week ago now, and the shine of his marriage hadn’t quite worn off his skin. He knew he was ridiculous. He knew many would never consider Kylo that much of a catch. But he refused to stop basking in the fact that Kylo chose him

Kylo, who Hux believed could get anyone he wanted, wanted only him. For _life._ Because he very much hoped Kylo didn’t have plans for divorce. He would be _very_ disappointed in Hux’s answer.

Kylo was stuck with him now. He’d said as much a week ago.

Hux was coming to the end of the letter. Between not wanting to tell his father about the elopement, and his own distraction, there wasn’t much to talk about.

He began to sign it as normal but stopped himself.

The reason he didn’t want to tell his father about Kylo was that he knew eloping would just be one more thing for him to disapprove of. But he couldn’t bear the thought of signing the letter with his father’s last name. Not now.

With one more glance at his wedding band, he signed his married name. He stuffed it into an envelope before he could change his mind and sealed it.

He couldn’t keep his smile from changing into a smirk as he imagined his father’s reaction.


	8. Week 3: Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _"You were waiting for a sign. This is it. So what are you going to do about it?"_ by glass-oceans

Kylo wasn’t sure how much more he could take. The constant self-questioning. The feeling that he was the only one invested in this relationship. It was becoming too much.

It wasn’t like he expected this… _whatever it was_ to be easy. This was the general after all. A man who wouldn’t admit to weakness even if it would save his life. The man who had never given the impression he _tolerated_ Kylo before approaching him one day and broaching the idea of beginning this _thing_.

He didn’t need flowery confessions of adoration. He had a galaxy to help take over, he didn’t need golden towers. He just wanted to know that this _meant_ something to the other man. That he wasn’t in this alone.

That there was a chance Hux could love him.

_That’s a dangerous word,_ he thought as he walked toward Hux’s quarters. But tonight was the night. Tonight he would confront the man with his concerns, and even if it meant the end of things he would…he would _endure_. Because he was Kylo Ren and emotions were a weakness.

“Lord Ren, please come in,” Hux said as he opened the door to grant Kylo access. Kylo stepped through slowly, knowing what would be coming. Sure enough, as soon as the door closed behind them, Hux was upon him.  It took everything in him to push the man away and not respond to the disgruntled look on his face.

“Is something the matter, Ren?” He asked, sounding mildly irritated but not angry. No, that would probably come later.

“I just…” Ren took a deep breath. He didn’t want to do this. Everything in him rebelled against doing this. This wasn’t _supposed_ to mean anything. Why was he trying to give it meaning? Why was he trying to destroy everything?

The other man looked at him, seeming ready to kick him out if he didn’t begin speaking soon. It was now or never.

“I just need to know…” he trailed off, not ready for this. But he was kriffing Kylo Ren. Time to ignite the lightsaber and get it over with.

“I just need to know if this matters to you at all.” The slight confusion on Hux’s face wasn’t surprising. Kylo would have been confused by that sentence too. “I mean,” he continued. “Are we just killing time or would you tell Snoke if it would save my life? Do I matter to you at all?”

There, it was said. No going back or trying to change course. Hux’s face had gone impassive and Kylo did his best not to fidget. His eyes looked determined as he strode purposefully toward Kylo.

But he didn’t touch him, either to push him away or to pull him closer. Instead he tilted his head, leaving his neck exposed. Kylo stared.

“Mark me.”

“What?” Kylo wished he had a better grasp what was happening. He had been ready for some form of extreme reaction. This wasn’t it.

“Mark. Me.” Hux enunciated. When Kylo remained still, Hux’s patience began to falter, although he kept his head in position. "You were waiting for some sort of sign. This is it. So, what are you going to do about it?"

Kylo gazed at him with intent, but Hux just stared directly back. His heart began to beat rapidly and Hux’s breathing quickened. It was only a moment before he lunged.


	9. Week 3: Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The Sign-Ace of Base

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an ongoing joke with [frapandfurious](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com) that every time I write angst it always ends up being from Kylo's POV. After posting this, I realized I'd done it again. I have _got_ to stop making Kylo the angsty one when I write things.

“Ren, you are to run interference with the protestors. I expect you to not fail this time. Do you understand?”

Kylo nodded, keeping his lips tightly pressed. Hux looked imperious before him, but he softened slightly at the sight of Kylo’s irritation. It was almost enough to make Kylo change his mind.

But no. It was time.

He had been thinking about it for _months._ Ever since Hux pushed him off to the sidelines. Ever since he became emperor.

 At first it had been lovely, he had been happy and _free_ for the first time in years. He had Hux at his side. Hux, who wanted him near and wanted his help with forming his new government.

But that was a long time ago. He couldn’t remember the last time Hux had been anything other than brusque with him. He couldn’t remember when he’d last felt the desire to share all of himself with Hux.

He wondered if Hux sensed it. He wondered if he realized how far away Kylo was.

He wondered if Hux knew what he was planning. If he cared.

That night, they entered the quarters they still shared, although it had been at least a month since they last were intimate. Kylo was always off doing he duties, and Hux was off ruling a galaxy.

Kylo doubted Hux would even know what to do with him if he offered himself.

He considered offering tonight. But it felt too much like cruelty, even if they were both well versed in cruelty. Hux might have pulled himself away completely, become more interested in running a galaxy and ordering him around than caring for him, but he was still Hux.

At one time, they had loved each other. At one time, they planned to rule the galaxy together.

Somehow, he had been shoved to the edges of that dream. And tonight he was erasing himself from it completely.

He laid still for hours, waiting for Hux to fall asleep before carefully pulling himself out of bed.  Going to stand on the balcony, he took a deep breath. Looking up at the night sky, he stared at the planet’s moon. He looked at the distant stars and remembered flying among them. Remembered smiling at them with Hux. When they were happy.

When that was enough.

He stood there for a long time, almost too long to be safe. If Hux woke up, if he spoke to Hux for longer than an audience chamber allowed, he would falter. And he was done faltering. It was time to begin a life away from Hux.

Time to see if he could.

He slipped back inside long enough to grab what he could. He glanced back at Hux one last time, trying to see any glimpse of the person he once fell in love with. He couldn’t remember what about the other man ever made him happy.

He left the room like a shadow, making no noise as he moved to the shuttle he knew would be waiting for him.

Back in their chambers, Hux’s eyes opened. He placed his hand on the cold side of the bed. The darkness hid his face.


	10. Week 4: The Five Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _"A sound so soft it can only be heard by someone very close"_ by theweddingofthefoxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place during some nebulous time during canon. i can't tell you more than that cause that's all i've got

He wakes up to the soft sound of a voice. At first, he thinks it is in his head, thinks that it is the Force trying to tell him something. Thinks it could even be baser than that, his own mind trying to tell him something.

But then he wakes up more and realizes that no, the vibration of the chest behind him is what woke him up. The soft voice is the man behind him, trying to be nearly silent, as to keep him from awakening.

He can’t make out words at first, which was probably what Hux was counting on. He knew how aware of him Kylo always was when he spoke. Even when they hadn’t been as close as they were now, Kylo always found it difficult to ignore him when he was talking. He once told Hux it was because his voice drew him like a moth to a flame.

It had been a weak moment brought on by intimacy, and yet he didn’t truly regret telling the man. It was one of the only harmless weaknesses he could give Hux. One of the only ones he could trust the man to never use against him.

He tries to keep still so Hux won’t realize he’s awake. But then Hux shifts closer, pulls him tighter against his chest, and the words he couldn’t understand are said directly into his hair.

“…I can’t imagine it with anyone but you. I can’t imagine _wanting_ it with anyone but you. I want us to conquer this galaxy and I want it to be _for_ us. I want you to want it as desperately as I want it. As I want you. I want you with me always, as I want the galaxy always.”

Kylo knows he shouldn’t be hearing this. Hux’s ambition is something he tries to hide from Kylo on a daily basis, and Kylo has the decency to pretend he has never picked up on it. But now Hux is talking to him and he needs to hear this. Even if he shouldn’t be.

“I want it all, Kylo. I thought this would be something to pass the time, but it isn’t. It is _everything_.”

He squeezes Kylo’s middle, breathing in the scent of his hair. It is all Kylo can do to keep from moving.

“Someday I’ll actually manage to tell you this when you’re awake.” He says, sounding resigned but not sad.

Kylo can’t help but wonder how many times this has happened. How many times Hux has contemplated him, the future, all of it, while he slept beside him.

How long he has wanted.

All he knows is that he wants to keep listening.


	11. Week 4: The Five Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _"I want to feel you from the inside."_ (Closer by Nine Inch Nails)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those that have followed my writing for a while know that I don't really write smut and so it may come as a shock that i even ATTEMPTED to fill this one. But I love this song lots and it really is a perfect kylux song, so here is my mediocre contribution!

Hux stares across the conference room at Kylo, wishing not for the first time that the mask wasn’t there. Not only is it one of the most asinine things he’s ever seen, but it also keeps him from Kylo’s face. Keeps him from looking at him and seeing the way that Kylo’s eyes darken when he sees Hux staring at him.

Sometimes he likes to play a game with himself. These meetings get so boring, and while the information given is necessary, Kylo is always just _there_ keeping him from listening as closely as he should. So, he likes to sit here and just… _think_ …at Kylo.

Think about everything they do when the doors are closed and they are left alone for more than a few moments together.

Think about the ways they are together at night, when he lays Kylo out beneath him. When Kylo finally relinquishes the control he never lets Hux have during the day.

How Kylo will let him take him apart, will let him do all the things that his training with Snoke teaches him he shouldn’t want. Let’s him make Snoke’s demands that much harder to carry out.

He sits here, staring at Kylo across the way as officers talk around him and knows the exact moment when Kylo begins to pick up on his thoughts. His fist will subtly tense on the table and be moved off it right after.

This is when Hux really feels the game has started.

This is when he starts thinking about his favorite part of their nights alone. When he finally loosens Kylo up enough, gets him relaxed enough to _move_ , to feel every part of Kylo as they become one connected entity, if only for a few moments. He thinks about all the things they say during those moments, the gasping breath and murmured words and the tenseness he can feel _all around him_ as Kylo comes closer and closer to the edge.

And then he’ll think of the one thing that will push Kylo over.

As the meeting begins to wind down, he thinks of the gentle kisses he presses to Kylo’s neck after, when they are both gasping and exhausted and collapsed against each other. He’ll think of the things he says, that he _does_ mean, but will only say to Kylo in these moments afterward.

The meeting ends, and he has just enough presence of mind to dismiss everyone. He stands from the table, waiting to make sure all the officers leave ahead of him.

He isn’t surprised when the door in front of him closes and locks on its own. He isn’t surprised when he feels warmth press up the length of his back.

He smirks and turns around.


	12. Week 4: The Five Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The way he looks at him

It isn’t anything obvious. Most of the time, they’ve both got their masks on—literal or figurative—and one wouldn’t even realize they were acquainted if they weren’t at each other’s throats. They have almost no interaction during the day cycle, on a normal basis.

But every now and then someone will notice something.

A slight upward curve of the lips when Hux says something to Ren, as if the harshness of his words is somehow softened by his voice. By the look on his face when he says them.

Those who are privileged enough to look at Ren’s face in public—there’s few of them, and they all understand the trust involved—will sometimes notice his too-expressive eyes widen when looking at Hux. When the man is being intense and intelligent and _competent_ , they’ll see him track Hux’s movements through a room. He always turns away when he thinks he might be caught.

No one really knows what to make of it, if they _should_ make anything of it. They are all intelligent enough not to ask.

In private, Hux will smile at the way that Kylo watches him. The way Kylo tracks his hands along his body, feeling all the curves and dips. The way Kylo will look at him as they move through the room, move to the bed, and pull him into the darkness of his eyes as they fall together.

In private, Kylo will feel his breath pick up speed as Hux reaches for him. The way Hux lets his face relax when they are truly alone, the way he’ll follow the fall of Kylo’s hair as he takes off his mask, and the way he will bury his nose in the junction between neck and shoulder, inhaling deep and pressing close.

It isn’t anything obvious. But it doesn’t take much for everyone to see them seeing each other, and know what is there, no matter how well it is hidden.


	13. Week 4: The Five Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _"Their bare hands touched unexpectedly"_ by tasty-empath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of a hard time with this one. I had an image in my head of what I wanted it to look like, and I'm still not sure if I managed it or not. In any case, I hope that you like it :D

Kylo didn’t like to be touched.

It wasn’t a touch starved thing, like his mother once might have thought. It wasn’t a Force thing, as he knew many of the people on the _Finalizer_ would have thought. He just didn’t like to be touched. Didn’t like the thought of another person thinking they had enough of an emotional attachment to him to touch him thoughtlessly.

In fact, the idea of someone touching him made his chest feel warm and his heart pick up speed in an unpleasant way.

So it wasn’t exactly good when it happened with Hux. Because if there was one person he desperately didn’t want to touch him, it was Hux. Although that was mostly because Hux made his chest feel warm and his heart pick up speed in a bit of a pleasant way.

But then it happened.

He had been in Hux’s quarters, going over plans for an attack on the rebellion, and Kylo had taken off his gloves and helmet, exhausted from a long day.

(If Hux stared at his bare hands momentarily as they fiddled at the sides of his helmet, he was too distracted to notice.)

Everything was running smoothly and Kylo was ready to leave for the night. He pulled up the edges of his hood, not wanting to put the helmet back on, but not wanting to allow anyone to see his uncovered face. But when he looked around, he couldn’t locate his gloves. He could have sworn he set them on the table beside him, but then Hux had pulled his attention away and they must have gotten pushed aside.

“Here, Ren.” He looked over, seeing the gloves dangling from Hux’s hand. He frowned slightly, unsure how Hux could have gotten them, but reached out anyway.

Their fingers brushed each other and Kylo felt his chest warm uncomfortably and his cheeks flame.

Glancing at Hux, he saw the determined look on Hux’s face and his bright pink cheeks, a product of his tragically pale complexion.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, taking the gloves and putting them on. 

This was ridiculous. They had just spent the entire night talking. Why did he feel embarrassed about this? But he suddenly needed to clear his throat and fiddle with the cuff of the glove, something he’d never felt the need to do.

“You’re welcome,” Hux whispered, his voice soft. His eyes held Kylo’s momentarily, before Kylo turned himself away toward the door.

But just before it closed, he heard that same voice say “Good night, Kylo.”

Kylo didn’t like to be touched. It was a statement of fact with no necessary background to be true. Yet, as he rushed back to his quarters, he couldn’t help but hope that Hux would touch his fingers again.


	14. Week 5: Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Hux fantasizing about cutting Kylo's Non-Regulation length too long hair, Kylo compromising with a single neat braid?

It makes his fingers twitch. Makes him look around desperately for a pair of scissors or something similar. He’d even take a small knife, although it would leave the ends uneven and just as non-regulation. But at least it would be _shorter._

He knows it’s not his problem. If Kylo wants to wear his hair too long and have it impede his vision, then that is _his_ issue. He is not a full member of the First Order, as he loves reminding Hux. There’s no reason for Hux to find his hair so frustrating.

But all he can think about when they are alone together—when Kylo puts down his guard long enough to take the mask off—is attacking him and just…. _cutting that stupid long hair._

It’s not even attractive!

Ok, he’s willing to admit that’s a lie. It’s very attractive. But it’s still too long and all he can think about as they’re sitting in his quarters enjoying a drink is cutting it off.

When his hands twitch toward the knife sitting on the side table for the third time, he knows Kylo is going to say something.

“What is bothering you, general? You’re not usually so restless.”

Hux considers not saying anything. He knows Kylo will ignore him. But he just can’t help himself. “Your hair is too long. You need to cut it or else I’m going to do it for you.”

Kylo raises his eyebrow, huffing and continuing to drink his drink. Hux resigns himself to sitting in uncomfortable silence for the next few moments before Kylo gives up and leaves. It’s not like he wanted him to stay anyway. Not like he had started fantasizing about what he’d do once that hair was cut and he had an unobstructed view of Kylo’s face.

Of his lips.

He isn’t surprised when Kylo leaves a few minutes later. Isn’t frustrated and twitchy thinking about that hair, thinking about the too long strands and the way Kylo had fingered at the edges while staring into his drink before he left.

He isn’t bothered at all.

The next night, it’s a surprise when Kylo follows him back to his quarters. They’ve avoided each other all day, and Hux was certain he wouldn’t see the other man for a least a few days. Knew Kylo’s irritation needed to simmer like it always does.

But he follows and Hux will not be the one to stop him.

They enter his quarters and Hux turns away to pour them drinks once again. He hears the gentle hissing that means Kylo has removed the mask, and tries to hide the pleasure it brings him. Usually it takes longer for the mask to come off.

He spins around, ready to say something about how Kylo’s getting too comfortable too quickly, and almost drops the drinks.

Kylo has taken the mask off. And his hair is still too long and still needs to be cut. But it’s also not all over his face. It is all tied back in a tight, straight braid which hangs down the back of his neck. It isn’t in his face and it is still there for Hux to think about too much.

But he’s also able to see the lips.

He can’t be held responsible for what happens next. He knew he’d have no control once the hair was out of his way.


	15. Week 5: Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _Kylo swearing allegiance to his Emperor Hux?_ by coeurd-art-ichaut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one owes a debt of gratitude to Eastmava here on AO3 (or [cut-off-the-grain](https://cut-off-the-grain.tumblr.com/) on tumblr) for giving me the idea of a Kylo who just wants to go off and live his life after helping Hux take over and not become the enforcer. Go read their stuff!

The room is filled with opulence. Rows and rows of finery and people who looked honored to be there. It’s almost enough to make Kylo forget how they got to this moment. Almost enough to make him forget all the death and all the fighting it took to get here. Where he is walking down a grand aisle to swear his allegiance to the new emperor.

To Hux.

He knows he was important to this moment. Knows that without his support, without his _Knights’_ support, Hux…well…

Honestly, Hux probably still would have gotten here. But it would have taken longer, and he might not be in one piece.

As it is, his only battle wound was a long scar along his back that no one is even aware exists. No one that wasn’t in that audience chamber the day Snoke was…

_Don’t think about it_ , Kylo thinks, striding closer and closer to the front.

He is ready to step down from his previous post. Ready to stop being the sword that is pointed in the right direction by a guiding hand. He will fade into obscurity if Hux allows it, or at the very least step away from the public eye.

But before that can happen, he must prove his loyalty by swearing allegiance to Emperor Hux. As if that’s necessary. As if anyone questions who he supports.

He finally reaches the front and kneels. The next several minutes are a blur, as he just stares at the man above him. Hux has never looked so regal, so satisfied, so…almost _happy_.

Hux’s voice cuts through the fog and Kylo knows it’s time. Time for the one thing Hux has asked of him since becoming emperor. The one thing he knows Hux will accept from him.

He keeps his head up, even though he’s supposed to bow it for this. He needs to look into Hux’s eyes.

“I Kylo Ren, former master of the Knights of Ren, do well and faithfully swear allegiance to Emperor Hux according to galactic law. May the Force strike me down should I waver.”

He watches the small smile form on Hux’s face and the man’s hand comes down to rest on his head. He feels Hux’s fingers tangle subtly with the strands of his hair and feels a smile form on his own face.

Their future is only beginning.


	16. Week 5: Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: hux doesn't have any rituals, no matter what kylo thinks

Hux woke up at precisely seven, reaching over to dismiss his alarm, when a sound from behind to him made him freeze.

He remembered the remark Kylo made last night, as they were settling down to sleep after hours of _he’ll-never-admit-it-to-Kylo-but-it’s-pretty-remarkable_ sex. He’d gotten up and begun straightening the room, cleaning them up before settling in for bed, when Kylo had snickered.

“Is something funny?” He asked, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

“Nothing,” Kylo said, smile lingering on his lips. “it’s just that I could mark my days by watching you settle in the evenings. Or getting ready in the mornings. You do the same rituals every day. It’s rather adorable.” This last bit was said with just the slightest tone of sarcasm, and Hux’s glare got deeper than it already was.

“I beg your pardon, are you calling me predictable?”

“You said it, not me. Take from it what you will, Hux.. Now, can you get into bed so we can sleep?”

Hux complied, too tired to start a fight about something so ridiculous, but he laid in bed for some time mulling over Kylo’s words. He didn’t have rituals. He wasn’t predictable. He was just… _particular._

So what if he always leaned down and kissed Kylo’s chest and then his lips when they were done having sex? So what if he immediately got up and started cleaning, then went and grabbed a cloth and began wiping them both down?

So what if he got up at the same time every morning, straightened the room some more, and took a shower before methodically putting on his uniform? So what if he always checked that he was wrinkle free three times before going over and kissing Kylo’s forehead and then leaving.

He’d frozen, horrified to realize that Kylo was right. He did the same things every day and night.

He was in this same state of horror when his alarm woke him. Kylo had tightened his arms around him, but he was already groaning, as if even half asleep he knew Hux was about to get up and leave.

Hux had rituals. Hux had patterns. Hux was disgusted. He shouldn’t be so predictable. And it shouldn’t bother him that the mere thought of staying in this bed instead of starting them was making him antsy.

But he was. And he needed to move or else he would be behind and be even more upset. But he didn’t want to give Kylo the satisfaction of knowing he was right. Didn’t want him to realize how conflicted Hux was.

Of course as always, Kylo solved the problem by being his annoying self.

“I can here you grinding your teeth,” the soft voice mumbled from behind him. “Just get up and get ready.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hux responded, tensing his shoulders against the kiss being pressed between them. “I thought I’d just stay here for a while. Do you not want that?”

Kylo groaned, pressing his face into Hux’s shoulder blade.

“I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” he muttered. Raising his voice, he continued. “Hux, get up and get ready to go. We’ll both suffer if you stay here in bed with me, getting more and more stressed as the minutes pass.”

Hux still put up a token protest, refusing to move for a few more moments, until a look at the clock told him that if he wanted to get started close to his normal time, he needed to get up _now._

Jumping from the bed, he started his morning ritual. However, just before he left, he approached Kylo. Instead of kissing his forehead, he dragged the man forward into a searing kiss, before pushing him back down into the mattress.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said as he walked to the door.

He smiled as the sound of Kylo groaning followed him out.


	17. Week 5: Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Breaking marriage vows (sort of): Hux and Kylo elope to escape Hux's arranged marriage into a powerful Imperial/FO family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one comes with some lovely art (that I don't deserve) of Hux in his wedding finery by niibeth over on tumblr. Go [check it out!](http://niibeth.tumblr.com/post/159650245248/breaking-marriage-vows-sort-of-hux-and-kylo)

_Supposedly, this should be the happiest day of his life_ , he thinks derisively.

He never thought he would find his life being controlled just as neatly as…

_Don’t think about him._

He stares at his reflection in the mirror. Someone has found a way to dress him in regal white and red without it clashing spectacularly with his red hair, and normally he might find himself unwillingly impressed. But not today. Not when he’s supposed to be marrying someone just for power. And not even his own power.

He still doesn’t know why Snoke agreed to this. This idea of marrying him into an Imperial family in order to strengthen ties for the Order. He doesn’t understand the plot and he doesn’t like it, but he’s ashamed to admit he didn’t know what to say when the idea was presented to him. It had seemed so ludicrous.

Kylo had been away on a mission and Snoke rushed this plan forward with all haste.

He suspects Snoke hadn’t been quite as oblivious to their relationship as they thought.

He can hear the music beginning to play out front. Can imagine his husband-to-be standing at the front of the alter, waiting for him to appear, leering at him with eyes that are just a bit too covetous. It makes his skin crawl and wish desperately for Kylo.

By now he knows the mission wasn’t prolonged. He has a sinking feeling that once he is securely married off to someone else and sent away, Kylo will suddenly be called back.

And it is devastating.

They’d never come right out and admitted to being in love. It was dangerous enough that they had been together so long, been monogamous for so long. That they so easily displayed affection for each other. To openly state that they were in love would have been asking for one or the other of them to be killed.

But even for all their careful trysts, they were still to be torn apart.

He could feel his eyes burning, but refused to let it go any further. He wanted to run, but his pride (and the Imperial guards stationed outside his door) wouldn’t allow it. So here he stood, dreading the moment when that door would open and he’d be called for.

Speaking of, he heard it open behind him, just the smallest creak of the hinges and couldn’t bring himself to turn. Let them look at him and be amazed. Let them see him and think he wants this.

But then there are arms around his waist and a chest against his back and before he can thrust his elbow into their stomach a voice whispers in his ear.

“Did you get that bored while I was gone?”

He turns, not able to stop the pounding of his heart as he sees Kylo before him.

“How?”

Kylo shakes his head, hair flying into his face and glancing toward the doors.

“No time. I controlled the guards, but they aren’t the only ones who patrol this area. It won’t last long and we need to be _gone._ Just know that your crew cares about your happiness more than I think either of us expected.”

He grabs Hux’s arm, rushing to the door and looking out. The only ones there are the guards he’s already controlling, and Kylo rushes them down the hall as quickly and quietly as he can. In no time they are boarding the Upsilon.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” Kylo says, never taking his eyes off the window, flying them away from the failed wedding as fast as he can. It won’t long before Snoke finds out and sends people after them.

Hux stares at the man across from him, the man who appeared out of nowhere, like something out of a holovid and took him away. The man he loves. The man he was almost stolen from.

“Marry me.”

Kylo stiffens, but doesn’t turn his head. “What?”

“You already said I look lovely, and destroying this outfit seems like such a waste. Marry me.”

Kylo says nothing for a moment, just reaches forward, changing the coordinates for their destination. Once that is done, Hux watches the smile slowly grow on his face. He feels an answering one on his own.


	18. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: "Happy ending? There is no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not sure if this is what the anon wanted with this prompt, but I thought it was cute so hey whatevs. Hopefully people like it anyway!

Hux looks at Kylo sometimes, and doesn’t know how he got so lucky. How this mess of a man decided that _Hux_ was worth his time. All he knew was that a month ago the man he had an embarrassing crush on pulled him aside and kissed the life out of him. Had told him that he was lovely and that Kylo “really wanted to date him, if that’s ok?”

If he hadn’t already been gone on him, that would have been enough to make it happen.

He knows they’ll never be perfect. They have always been very different people, and they still fight just as much as they did before they decided to give a relationship a shot. Kylo still thinks he’s uptight, and he has no qualms about telling Kylo that he is the biggest mess he’s ever seen.

People look at them and don’t really know what to do with them as a couple. People looked at them the same way when they were only friends though, so Hux doesn’t pay too much attention to it. He focuses on the _now_ , where Kylo sits next to him with his head on his shoulder and their fingers tangled together.

He likes to look at Kylo and imagine all the ways that their lives will continue. He knows they’ll probably drive each other insane, but he doesn’t want his future to include anyone but Kylo. He chose Kylo after that kiss.

Kylo was going to be the last beginning for him.

But there would be no ending. Because endings are upsetting, endings make you cry or make you angry, or make you feel unfulfilled.

Endings aren’t happy, is what he means.

So he’ll think about that kiss, that stupid man asking him if he wanted to date, like he hadn’t been dropping hints since the moment they met.

In the future, he’ll think of everything they’ve done together and know that the end is not the important part. Everything else is.


	19. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The first time they realize their feelings for the other

Kylo wishes he could say it was different. Wishes he could say that it was some great dramatic moment that made him see it. That he’d seen Hux delivering a speech and felt his pulse pick up speed in a familiar way. That he’d seen the man commanding his troops and felt some sort of rapid heartbeat. Even that he’d seen the man less controlled and realized that there was more to him than the General.

But none of those are what happened. It was much simpler.

They’d just come out of a meeting with Snoke. Ever since the _unpleasantness_ with Starkiller, Snoke was much more watchful of him. Much more controlling and at the same time careful with how he treated Kylo. It was almost as if he was worried about something, although Kylo couldn’t know what.

And at this particular meeting, he criticized pretty much everything Kylo had accomplished on his last mission. And then proceeded to order him onto another one, to make him “understand what his failures cost.”

As if that made any sense. As if the scars (both physical and mental) that Starkiller gave weren’t enough to make him understand everything.

They left the audience chamber, and Kylo prepared to leave for his quarters. Only for Hux to stop him.

The man didn’t look completely comfortable, or even sure of why he’d stopped him. But it was Hux, so he didn’t let that stop him.

“Good luck on your next mission,” he said, hesitating for just a second. “And your information was useful on the last one, no matter what anyone says.”

Then he nodded, and walked off briskly, as if to leave the kindness far behind him.

Kylo felt his lips curve just a small bit, and a voice in his head said _“fuck_.”

*

Hux wishes he could say it was different. Wishes he could say it was some small moment that made him see it. That he’d seen Kylo without his mask and felt his cheeks grow warm. That he’d looked at him one night while they both wandered the halls and heard a voice say this was the man he wanted to spend his time with.

But none of those are what happened. It was much simpler.

There had been an attack while on-planet. Hux hadn’t even planned to go with the rest of the landing party, knowing how foolish it would be for both commanders to go. But something had come up and Phasma said she would take care of things while he was away.

And then everything went to hell.

He isn’t even sure who their attackers are. If they are part of the rebellion or simply idiots who haven’t learned to appreciate what the Order is trying to accomplish for them (and aren’t those the same thing?).

In any case, shots were going off everywhere. Hux was holding his own relatively well, but he couldn’t be everywhere at once.

All he remembered was a flurry of black, hearing a hum that he liked to pretend he didn’t recognize, and watching a blaster bolt that was clearly headed for his face divert. Looking up, he saw that Kylo had somehow lost the mask _again. ‘If he was going to take it off during battles all the time, what was the point of wearing it?’_

Kylo was watching him.

There wasn’t much time to spend chatting, but he stopped long enough to ask, “are you alright, general?”

Hux nodded once and Kylo turned away, back into the battle. Hux went back to shooting, but kept remembering that flurry of black, and that well-hidden concern in Kylo’s voice. His heart picked up speed.

A voice in his head said “ _fuck._ ”


	20. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: "Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

This wasn’t how he expected his life to turn out. He’s 28, he should be in the career he went to college for, he should be living in his dream city, and he should be married to the man who told him they would be together forever, when they were 22 and newly graduated.

Instead, he spent the last seven years of his life in a relationship, up until two weeks ago when his boyfriend abruptly said, “I’ve fallen in love with someone else, Kylo. I’m so sorry.”

How did that even happen? How did you spend the better part of a decade in love with someone, sharing nearly everything with someone, just to decide one day that what you felt for them was never love? How did you choose to love someone else, when all the while you know you’re cheating on someone you previously swore to always love?

Kylo carries the last box up to his new apartment, and tries not to start crying again. He refuses to waste any more tears on the man who essentially told him they’d been wasting each other’s time for the past two years since the affair began.

He makes it almost all the way to his door before he drops the box and a sob escapes his lips.

“Good God, I didn’t think moving was that depressing. Are you alright?”

Kylo turns in surprise, not expecting the man standing two doors down from him, a key ready to be put in the keyhole, staring at him in shock.

How is he supposed to respond to that? He is very obviously not alright, but he also doesn’t think it’s the best first impression to sob all over your new neighbor about the boyfriend who dumped you like last week’s trash.

He clears his throat, wiping his eyes and kneeling to pick up the box. He looks up to see the other man coming over to him, taking the key from his trembling hand.

“This is you?” he asks, nodding toward the door. Kylo nods back, and he puts the key in the lock, opening it.

“Sorry,” Kylo mumbles as he walks in, taking the key back quickly. The man doesn’t follow, but he stands in the doorway watching. “I just got out of a pretty bad breakup. Had to find a new place, you know how it is.”

He refuses to look up and meet eyes with the man who just witnessed his eleventh breakdown this week. He is just an apparition of red hair and lanky limbs as far as Kylo is concerned.

“I don’t know, actually,” the man says, although his voice is gentle, as if he knows how harsh those words would sound normally. “I’ve always been the dumper, not the dumpee.” Kylo whips his head up, although he still won’t make eye contact.

“Usually, dumpers don’t start crying in the middle of apartment hallways,” he says as if that explains everything. Kylo supposes it might.

“For what it’s worth, he was probably an asshole and you deserve better.”

Kylo finally looks the other man in the eye. “You don’t know a thing about me, how can you even say that?” He tries and fails to keep the confusion out of his voice.

“Just call it a feeling.” The man begins backing out into the hallway again. “I really have to go now, but welcome to the building, and I’m sure you deserve better. I’m Hux, by the way.”

“Kylo,” he says quietly, walking forward to close the door after him. They share one more look before the door closes gently. Kylo wipes the last of the moisture from his eyes and turns to start arranging the boxes he placed haphazardly on the couch.

A year from now he will be kissing Hux on that same couch. A year from now he will think back on this day, and won’t be able to stop the warm feeling that takes over his chest. But that’s all in the future. For now, he just thinks of the nice man who didn’t make fun of him for crying, and feels himself smile for the first time in weeks.


	21. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The first time Kylo realizes Hux's eyes lingering on the scar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one wasn't meant to be angsty. I had a whole fluffy ending planned for it. But then somewhere in the writing process, I realized I liked this ending more. Writing is a cruel mistress.

Kylo doesn’t consider himself overly self-conscious. When you grew up with features as abnormal as he did, you had to learn how to not care what other people thought of your looks. And he thought he’d always been somewhat successful at it. True, there had been times when he felt a little pang of something when he heard others make fun of his huge nose, or make cracks about his big cow eyes.

But none of that bothered him in any way worth making a fuss over.

Which is why he can’t really explain why this bothers him.

Hux was never someone he considered himself close to. They had a general animosity toward each other, but Kylo was fairly certain they both knew a lot of it was generated by Snoke. Hux had never been overtly cruel to him, and even his harshest barbs at Hux had held some level of compliment.

Also, Hux was one of about five people allowed to see him without his mask.

He might have to reconsider that number.

It’s been a month since Starkiller, when it happens. He’s been in and out of the medical ward for weeks, as the skin on his face and side slowly healed, and he’s relatively content with the scar on his face. One of his first thoughts after waking up and realizing he hadn’t died in the snow, was the knowledge that he would have a scar. It was no great shock.

But he’s in the training room, with the door locked so he can work uninterrupted, when the override code is plugged in. Hux strides in like he’s meant to be there, and Kylo turns. The other man comes up short at the sight of Kylo though, and it doesn’t take a mindreader to know what he’s staring at.

His eyes are fixed on the right side of his face and Kylo knows that he is looking at the scar. His eyes widen and for the briefest moment his mouth gapes before he seems to gather himself and tells Kylo what he came to say.

He leaves right after, and Kylo knows he shouldn’t be bothered. It could have been much worse. Hux could have shown complete revulsion, or begun mocking him for his mistakes.

But his quiet horror was worse, in some ways. He’d always liked the way Hux looked at him. The mild flair of attraction he’d always seen in Hux’s eyes had been nice. It had even been something he’d thought about acting on, before everything started happening on Jakku.

He turns back to his training, where he can pretend that he didn’t see it. That he doesn’t know what it means.

Where he can pretend Hux’s opinion doesn’t matter so much.

Maybe it wasn’t meant the way it seemed. Maybe he’ll go confront him tonight and find out that Hux’s horror was at the memory of almost losing him, and had nothing to do with how he looks now. Maybe he’ll discover it was all a misunderstanding.

But he can’t see the future. Maybe it’s the beginning of something he knows he wanted. Maybe it’s the end of what he thought he could have.

He closes his eyes, and keeps training


	22. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _It'll all be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end._ by glass-oceans

Hux keeps petting his hair, pretending to not know why Kylo essentially threw himself at him when he came in tonight.

He’s not supposed to know about the mission. He’s not supposed to know that the chances of survival are slim. He’s not supposed to know that Kylo will be gone for longer than either of them could ever want.

And Kylo hasn’t told him anything, so he must keep pretending he doesn’t know why Kylo is here. That he didn’t hear the rumors long before Kylo showed up at his door.

He closes his eyes and pulls the man against him. It doesn’t take long for Kylo to speak.

He  isn’t surprised when Kylo assumes he already knows.

“What if you find someone else?”

“What?” Hux can’t help but raise an eyebrow. He very much hopes that isn’t Kylo’s biggest worry.

Kylo sits up, staring at him with earnest eyes as Hux fights the smile that wants to appear.

“This mission could go completely sideways. I could be destroyed, I could be captured, and I will be gone for a long time. No one would blame you for wanting something less complicated. You’re trying to better your position, and you can’t do that tied to me. Especially if I’m not even here.”

Hux sighs and shakes his head fondly.

“Everything that could go wrong, and you’re worrying about me falling out of love with you?”

Kylo has the grace to look guilty, although he doesn’t deny it.

“Listen to me Kylo. You’re right, this mission could go a million ways. But you know what won’t? How I feel about you. I’m not that fickle.” He places his hands on either side of Kylo’s face, pulling their foreheads together so Kylo can look at nothing but him.

“Focus on your mission. Focus on making it successful. Don’t focus on me. Everything will be alright in the end.”

Kylo stares at him, looking like he desperately wants to believe him. But it wouldn’t be Kylo if he wasn’t contrary.

“And if it isn’t?”

Hux smiles, leaning forward to place the gentlest press of lips on his nose.

“If it isn’t? It isn’t the end.”

Kylo closes the last bit of space between them and they fall into each other.


	23. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The first time Hux sees Ren's face, Kylo doesn't know he's watching

He shouldn’t be here. He certainly didn’t plan to be here. But he needed to tell that idiot Lord Ren what was and _most definitely wasn’t_ approved for destruction via lightsaber.

Not that he thought it would do any good. The man had heretofore shown no interest in acting like a sane person, and honestly Hux was at the end of his rope. It wasn’t even like he cared that much about what the man got up to, but he needed to stop treating this ship like his own personal punching bag. Hux was going to have no more of it.

He went in search of the man and found him here, in a viewing room that some overeager designer put in, seeming to think that there would actually be time for standing still and looking at the stars. But that isn’t even the shocking part.

The shocking part is that he is maskless.

He doesn’t seem to have heard Hux enter, too consumed by his thoughts, and Hux doesn’t want to break the silence. Not only is he slightly concerned about what Ren would do to him, he also likes the idea of looking at the man without the mask for the first time ever.

He doesn’t know what to do with what he sees.

The man’s face is wide, wide and misshaped and yet somehow doesn’t look displeasing. It seems to fit him in some strange way that Hux can’t begin to understand. And the long dark hair which flutters around his skin is rather lovely. It’s certainly more attractive than the monstrosity on his own head.

He thinks he sees moles dotting his cheeks too, and almost wishes he could get closer to find out. He also wishes he could see his eyes better. But with Kylo angled away from him, he can only make out enough to see that they are dark. Dark and will probably turn his way any instant, so he should make a decision about what he wants to do here.

Hux decides to slip away. He can rant and rave at Lord Ren any time, and there had been something peaceful about the man, looking out a window at the stars.  The door closes quietly behind him.


	24. Week 6: Beginnings and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The beginning of love is the end of loyalty

Kylo never thought he would do something like this. Not again anyway.

He thought his days of breaking from his master were long over. It was impossible to leave in as dramatic a fashion as he did last time. As violent a fashion.

But then the order from Snoke came. The order which said Hux had outlived his usefulness. That Hux was becoming too sure of his own station. Too confident in the loyalty of his men. That he needed to be removed.

And Kylo of four years ago would have agreed with him. Would have gone immediately to Hux’s chambers and killed him, even if it meant his own death at the hands of any of the soldiers on board. Because Snoke’s desires were Kylo’s desires.

But that was Kylo of four years ago.

That was Kylo pre-Starkiller. Kylo who didn’t realize that sometimes Snoke’s ideas didn’t always pan out the way he wanted. Snoke, who told him killing his father would center him, when in fact it had almost destroyed him.

And Hux put him back together. Hux, who Kylo knew aspired to be bigger than Snoke. Hux, who told Kylo honestly that he didn’t fully trust him, but he also didn’t believe Kylo would betray him behind his back.

Hux, who over the course of many months, came to care for him. And in return, Kylo began to fall in love.

And now Snoke wanted him to kill the only person he’d loved in _years._

He didn’t know if Hux loved him in return. But he knew where his own feelings stood, and he knew that if the death of his father—a man he hadn’t spoken to in ages—almost ruined him, then the death of Hux would kill him.

He wasn’t interested in dying just yet.

Thus, after receiving his orders he strode to Hux’s quarters. Punching in the code he found Hux half asleep on his couch, where it looked like he had been waiting up for Kylo. At the sight of him, Hux smiled.

“How was the meeting? Did you receive your newest orders?”

Kylo hesitated. There were two ways to play this. He could tell Hux what Snoke said, pull him into his plans. He knew Hux probably had something in place for this sort of event. But then if it went horribly wrong, he would be implicated, which would destroy everything he was working toward.

Or he could tell Hux nothing. Let Hux think Kylo’s orders were the same as always. Let Hux think that Kylo went off on some mission to a distant world and just disappeared. Or returned a failure. Anything to keep Hux from knowing what he planned.

Kylo decided on a middle ground.

Sitting down beside Hux, running his fingers over Hux’s bicep, he let the other man lean into him.

“I have to go to see him directly. It’s important I see him in person.”

He saw Hux scrunch his forehead, confused. “Why would he call you just to say you needed to go to his planet directly?”

Kylo shrugged. He could tell Hux wasn’t completely buying his story, so he did the easiest thing he could think of to distract him.

He leaned down and kissed him. Kissed him and kissed him and as they shifted to get a better angle, Kylo did everything in his power to enjoy this. To feel his love for this man flow through him. It might be the last time after all.

The next morning, as he got ready to go to the hangar bay, he saw Hux shifting on the bed. Shaking the man’s shoulder just enough to get him awake and aware, he watched him focus on Kylo’s face.

“Have a safe trip. Good luck I suppose.”

Kylo smiled, leaning down to kiss his forehead. But before pulling entirely away, he delivered a warning.

“Hux? Don’t trust him. Don’t trust Snoke.”

Then he moved quickly, leaving a confused Hux in bed, where his surprise was quickly giving way to worry.

“Kylo, what are you doing? What do you mean?”

But Kylo didn’t respond. Didn’t stop to give Hux a chance to get up and follow him. Walking as fast as he could, he moved toward the Upsilon.

Time to go see Snoke. Time to go do the one thing in his power to protect Hux.

Time to end this, one way or another.


	25. Week 7: Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Home is where you don't always have to have perfect hair...

Hux woke up slowly, squinting at the bright sunlight shining through the opening in the curtains. It was way too early for this. Way too early for anything.

He sat up, blinking sleep from his eyes and groaning as this change in position caused the sun to hit his face even more. The body next to him shifted, and he felt the blanket move as it was pulled to cover Kylo’s head.

He huffed in amusement, getting up and dragging himself to the bathroom. He wished he didn’t have to go in so early today, but he had a project due soon and the only way to finish it was to spend almost every waking moment in the office.

He stopped momentarily as he looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was everywhere. Smashed into one side of his face, with little bits poking up all over the place.

Plus, it was easy to see where Kylo had gripped it last night. It was like sex hair had died on his head.

The sound of the door opening behind him drew his gaze away.

Kylo walked in, eyes still half closed and lumbering toward him blindly. He slumped into Hux’s back, pushing him into the sink, pressing his nose into Hux’s neck. Hux looked back in the mirror.

Kylo’s hair wasn’t any better. Hanging limply, tangling up with the rat’s nest on his own head, he began to reach for his hair brush. Even if Kylo refused to move, he still needed to get ready. But he paused before lifting it to his head.

He looked at them in the mirror. Looked at the dark bags under his eyes, the curtain of black hiding Kylo from view. The pieces of hair sticking up all over the top of his head.

He couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his face.

He knew he’d still have to get ready to go. Knew eventually he’d have to extricate himself from Kylo. But for a moment, he just stood there and basked in his own contentment.


	26. Week 7: Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Letters to/from home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a sequel to chapter 7, [ "signing a letter."](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10411653/chapters/23289394)

Hux is sitting in the front room when Kylo walks in, holding an envelope away from his body like he’s afraid it might bite him.

“What’s the problem?” Hux asks, both eyebrows lifting.

“It’s a letter,” Kylo says, holding it out to him.

“I can see that, thank you,” he takes the letter, eyes still on Kylo. But they drift down to the letter and widen. It’s a letter. From his _father_.

He hasn’t heard from his father since he wrote him two weeks ago, dropping the bomb that he’d gotten married. Although the better description would be “closing the letter by signing with his husband’s last name and giving no explanation.”

He hadn’t actually thought he’d hear from him at all.

But he shouldn’t have been surprised. The man never misses a chance to harangue him. The letter has nothing to say about anything he wrote in his last letter. Nothing about his work or the new places he discovered in the city.

It is all a chastisement of his elopement. Question upon question about who he thought he was, telling his father by _signing a letter with his new name_? What he thought he was doing, marrying that monstrosity he now calls a husband? What he thinks he’ll do when the man eventually dumps him like Brendol knows he will?

Hux of a few years ago would have been upset. Hux of a few years ago would have flung the letter across the room, stormed off and not spoken to Kylo for hours.

But not now.

He is happy. He is married to the man he’s been in love with for years, and he is finally in a place where he doesn’t constantly seek his father’s approval anymore.

Setting the letter down in his lap, he rolls his eyes and looks up. Kylo is still standing in front of him, concerned. He probably expects the aforementioned storming off. But Hux just smiles at him and stands up. Letting the letter fall to the ground he walks toward Kylo and wraps his arms around the man’s shoulders. They smile as they both lean in to kiss.

The letter floats under his chair, and Hux can’t help but think that he’ll wait a bit longer than usual to respond.


	27. Week 7: Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: There's something about the light at this hour that makes him long for nights at home

Kylo stares up at the ceiling above him, wishing he were somewhere else. His training is important. His master brought him back to teach him everything he failed to learn on his own. His master wants him to grow to be the best he can be, the strongest he can be, and Kylo is grateful.

But training is exhausting and the citadel is so empty.

He would never consider disturbing his master in the evenings, and all the knights are off on other assignments. So all he can do is lay on the bed in his room and think of somewhere else.

Someone else.

Because there’s something about the light in here. Something about the dimness and way the darkness casts strange shadows throughout, that makes him think of Hux. Makes him think of nights together, talking and planning and doing all the things he cannot do now.

All the things his master would forbid.

Not that there had been much of that lately anyway. Ever since the search for Skywalker picked up speed, he and Hux had become estranged and spent almost no time together. He knew his master approved of this turn of events. He knew Hux probably welcomed the distance. Even he could admit his mind had been clearer.

Although perhaps not clear enough.

But he stares at the darkness, listens to the quiet silence around him, and misses those nights. Misses the sound of Hux’s voice, the strange cadence of it. Misses the way he would sometimes run his fingers through Kylo’s hair, almost absentmindedly.

He runs his own fingers over his cheek, closing his eyes and imagining it is Hux, in those twilight hours when he thought Kylo was asleep.

This only lasts so long. Eventually, he shakes himself out of the daze his imaginings have pulled him into. This isn’t what he’s here for. His master wouldn’t like it, if he knew. He must purge Hux and everything related to him from his mind—and his heart.

But there’s just something about this room, about this hour, that makes his dreams inevitable.


	28. Week 8: Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _Hux can't find either of his greatcoats to save his life_ by tokyotheglaive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually from last week's prompt, but I got super busy last Sunday and never finished it. I finished it yesterday and figured I'd post it with the Week 9 drabbles :D

Hux doesn’t consider himself scatterbrained. He doesn’t consider himself inattentive. In fact if one were to ask him (or any of the people under his command) what word they would use to describe his organization skills, it would be a unanimous “orderly.”

(Unless you asked Kylo Ren, in which case the answer would be “anal retentive.”)

And yet here he is, just returned to his visitor’s quarters after a day in the heat of this forsaken planet, looking for his greatcoat and it is nowhere to be found.

He doesn’t know how that’s possible. It’s a _greatcoat_. Those things aren’t easy to misplace, if only because they are so cumbersome. Yet here he is, tearing apart his quarters for the third time, hoping in vain that it will suddenly appear.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the tragedy of earlier today. An entire glass of wine spilled all over his main one, and he hasn’t seen it since it was rushed off to be cleaned. He’s not sure if he’ll see it before they finally leave this place.

But he could have sworn he brought the spare one with him. He was certain he had, because he had a distinct memory of Ren making fun of him for bothering to bring _two_ coats when they would barely need one.

But Ren wasn’t here now. After he had gotten into an argument with one of the delegates last night (which quickly turned into a private argument with Hux) he left to return to the _Finalizer_ and Hux hadn’t heard from him since.

Which made it even more annoying that he couldn’t find the coat, because Ren would have found it in seconds. He had a strange sixth sense for the thing, and it wasn’t Force related.

Hux huffed, shaking his head and finally giving into temptation. He sent a brief missive to Phasma, asking her to go to his quarters on the ship and see if he’d left it in there. Normally he never would have bothered her in such a way, but he needed to go to the farewell dinner this evening, and knew the greatcoat was the only thing that would make him look imposing to these people.

In the meantime, he sat down and looked around the room. It felt emptier without Kylo’s presence, and he couldn’t wait to return to the ship. Their fight last night hadn’t been terrible, but Ren’s departure made it feel worse. He knew they weren’t angry with _each other_ , just with the way they’d been strong-armed into a diplomatic visit, when neither of them wished to be diplomats. He knew Kylo was actually defending him, but it still couldn’t appear as if he’d supported Kylo’s attack on the delegate.

Even if he had called Hux an orange shrew, not realizing Kylo was right behind him.

He couldn’t wait to return to the ship. He couldn’t wait to find Kylo and ensure that he knew how much Hux appreciated his support.

A small _ting_ from his holopad caught his attention. Looking down, he saw it was a response from Phasma. However, when he opened it, all he saw was an attached picture. Frowning, he opened it, wondering what she could possibly be up to. But what he found made him smile, glancing around to be positive he was alone.

It was Kylo, sound asleep on their bed. But what made him smile was the coat draped across the man, with one of the sleeves buried in his face.

He sighed. He needed to respond to her. Tell her to wake the idiot up and make him bring back the coat he stole. But he decided that could wait. For at least a few moments, he would sit here and stare like a love-struck idiot where no one could see him.


	29. Week 9: Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: To others, Kylo's use of the Force sounded like a buzzing in their head. To Hux, it sounded like music in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you missed seeing it, I also posted a drabble from last week, so go back one chapter if you haven't read it already

Many people have expressed concern to Hux about Kylo’s use of the Force. Distressed officers bringing reports of intrusion and troopers brave enough to actually bring their complaints directly to the general. All their complaints sound the same.

“It feels like a thousand insects flying around in my head, buzzing everywhere. My skin crawls for hours afterward.”

Hux listens to their complaints, gives them a look to let them know he has no idea why they’re bothering him with this, and then goes about his day.

After all, it’s not really something he can relate to. While everyone else complains about buzzing in their heads and wrongful invasion in their very beings, that’s not something Hux has ever felt.

Because when Ren enters his mind—either during the work hours to communicate urgent information, or during the night to give Hux an idea of what he wants him to do to him next—it’s never a buzz.

It’s a soft echoing song that resonates in his chest, filling him up with warmth. A wordless song that fills him with longing and completion at the same time. Gives him a sense of adoration and happiness.

Maybe it wouldn’t always have been this way. Maybe if Kylo had forced his way into his mind in the early days of their partnership, Hux would know the buzz and the discomfort.

But as it is, Kylo always respected him _just enough_ to stay out of his head until the first time Hux invited him in. By that time, they were both in so deep that all Hux can hear is the song. It doesn’t bother him though.

That means the song is only for him.


	30. Week 9: Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Kylo or Hux is really into musicals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one does have some references to anxiety, but I'm not very good at writing so it shouldn't be too triggery. Still, if any mention of that stuff bugs you, give this drabble a pass.

Hux walks down the hall to their apartment, and hears the faint strains of _Spamalot_ coming through wall.

‘Ah,’ he thinks. ‘He must have had a good day.’

He unlocks the door, opening it up just in time to hear the end of “The Song That Goes Like This” and finds himself smiling. Kylo is in the kitchen, cooking something on the stove and swaying along to the next song as it starts up.

He turns at the click of the latch and smiles at Hux, who feels something in his chest loosen. It’s been a hard week for Kylo. His job has been putting a lot of pressure on him, demanding more of him than they really should of an employee who works from home. He’s had some bad anxiety spells, curling up on their bed and staring at the walls while he cries quietly. He doesn’t like Hux to touch him during these episodes, and it makes Hux feel helpless.

But he’s listening to _Spamalot_ which always means he’s happy.

(“How could you be sad when listening to this soundtrack? It’s everything!” He told Hux the first time he ever played it for him.)

He walks over to Kylo, letting himself be pulled into the other man’s arms as he dances them around the kitchen. They both laugh as Kylo leans in to rub his nose against Hux’s cheek.

“What has you in such a good mood today?” He asks, lifting his hand to rest on Kylo’s head.

“I took a mental health day. Needed some good music for it. I’m making your favorite for dinner, don’t worry.”

Hux lets Kylo spin away from him, making sure the concern isn’t seen in his face. Kylo is ignoring his problems, again. Pretending they don’t exist, which will only skyrocket his stress levels later. But he’s listening to _Spamalot._ He listens to _Into the Woods_ when he’s feeling morbid, and _Rent_ when he wants a good cry. He listens to _Les Miserables_ when he’s depressed, and when Hux has done something to make him overly love-stricken, he’ll play “Elaborate Lives” on a repeat for hours.

He listens to _Spamalot_ when he’s feeling relaxed for once. Hux can’t take that away from him. Not right now at least.

Later in bed, he’ll lay down next to Kylo and talk to him about what he plans to do tomorrow. He’ll listen to Kylo’s worries and help him come up with a way to solve his work problems. But for now, he just watches Kylo finish dinner as the knights of the round table sing about Camelot.


	31. Week 9: Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Hux loves classical music and uses it to calm himself down after a stressful day.

Hux wanders back into his quarters. Today has been rather terrible.

First there was the problem with the requisition forms for more equipment. Trying to build an entire new regime with very little money was always going to be a challenge, but after the loss of Starkiller (and all the money put into it) getting money and materials has been even more difficult.

Then there’d been the multiple reports of reconditioning. He didn’t have to deal with that personally anymore, but he still received all the relevant information and it was worrying. Apparently, the loss of FN-2187 had done more damage than originally expected.

And on top of everything else, he’d fought with Ren.

Which normally wouldn’t have stressed him at all. They’d scream and yell at each other, stew over it for a few hours, and then come together in the evenings for phenomenal makeup sex. But this fight was different. This fight was in the hangar bay just before Ren left on a mission, and now they wouldn’t see each other for at least two weeks. Hux didn’t like to admit how much the loss of his bedmate (and _possibly_ more) bothered him, but to have fought just before the separation was worse.

What if Ren decided not to return, or simply couldn’t return? What if he was killed and the last memory he had of Hux was him saying to not bother contacting him if he was going to continue being so stupid and reckless?

Hux looked down and saw his hands shaking uncontrollably. He slowly blew air out, walking over to his console and turning it on. Music began to fill the empty room. The gentle pull of string over wood and the sound of keys playing filled his mind and he felt himself relax.

Things were still terrible. The Order was still in disarray. Ren was still gone. But he walked over to his bed, laid down still wearing his uniform and closed his eyes. As the music washed over him, he felt all those troubles filter out of his mind, leaving a calm blankness.

Hux let himself melt down into the quiet, if only for a little while.


	32. Week 11: Image Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off [ this image](http://kyluxcantina.tumblr.com/post/161175486734/please-reblog-with-your-response-to-the-above) submitted by meinesterne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might expand on this one at some point, but since the whole point of the cantina is to keep these drabbley, i kept it short, sweet, and to the point for now

Hux and Kylo have been friends for years. It’s just a fact. They have been friends for years and have known each other all through school. Through misguided attempts at sports teams and misguided attempts at heterosexuality.

Kylo was there when Hux failed his first test in high school, knew that going home to his father and telling him was legitimately terrifying. Hux was there for Kylo when he first realized that he liked boys the hard way, by developing a crush on an obnoxiously friendly football player who didn’t even know Kylo existed.

(Of course, Hux had also wanted to murder said football player and ensure no one ever found the body, but that was beside the point.)

What’s important is they’ve always been friends and now they’re 18. They’re 18 and about to graduate high school and no longer really care about the things their parents want from them.

Including being in their bedrooms at a reasonable hour of the night.

Hux wants to be a photographer. He knows it isn’t a good life plan, knows he has the ambition to go so much further, but taking photos is the only time he feels calm. Feels happy.

So when he told Kylo he wanted to go out and get pictures of the neighborhood at night, Kylo did what Kylo always did. He told him to be in the front yard at eleven, after Han and Leia were in bed, and Kylo would go out with him.

It had been fun. Hux had taken a bunch of pictures, they’d narrowly escaped getting caught trespassing in a public park, and now they were making the walk home together.

They’d been walking beside the train tracks on the way back to their block when Hux looked back at the sound of a lighter clicking. Kylo was smoking a cigarette and even though the smell made Hux wrinkle his nose in distaste, he had to pause.

The way the wind was blowing created a cloud of smoke around Kylo’s head, completely hiding his face from view.

“Do that again,” Hux said, lifting his camera.

Kylo raised his eyebrow as the smoke dissipated. Hux never took pictures of people. But Hux simply brought the camera down and gestured at Kylo, before lifting it once more. So Kylo inhaled a bit more of the cigarette, blowing out and letting the smoke envelope him. Hux took the picture, making sure to take a few, just in case the first didn’t look right.

Lowering it away from his face, he found Kylo staring at him, smiling gently.

“What?” He asked, fiddling with the buttons of the camera.

The smile didn’t drop from Kylo’s face. He just walked forward, stubbing out the smoke before he got too close to Hux. Taking the camera out of his hands, he looked right at him.

“Nothing,” he whispered, setting it carefully on the ground and taking Hux’s hands. Around them, the night rolled on.


	33. Week 11: Image Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off [this image](http://kyluxcantina.tumblr.com/post/161179924999/please-reblog-with-your-response-to-the-above) submitted by longstoryshortikilledhim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning that there is some reference to emotional neglect in here. It's in no way graphic (i'm too much of a fluff writer for that) but if you think it might be something that'll bother you, give this chapter a pass <3

Kylo wipes the tears out of his eyes furiously, storming out of the building. He doesn’t know what he was thinking. Doesn’t know why he thought that Hux would want something like this. Why he thought they had the kind of relationship where Hux would want him to show up on his birthday with balloons.

It was stupid. Just like Kylo is stupid. He knew letting himself _feel things_ was a mistake. Knew that letting himself feel things for _Hux_ of all people was a one-way ticket to heartbreak.

But it didn’t stop him. Didn’t keep him from quitting his job so that he could start a relationship with his boss. Didn’t stop him from agreeing to a casual arrangement so that Hux wouldn’t be accused of pushing him out of the company so that he could get sex.

Kylo stops at the first garbage can he sees along the way, shoving the bunch of balloons into it and storming off. He doesn’t want them. Doesn’t want to think about them. Doesn’t want to realize that he is in love with a man who looked at him like he was an idiot when he showed up at his old office building with them.

He does realize that he probably shouldn’t have brought them to Hux’s work. He knows that makes him even more of an idiot. But he thought the surprise would be worth it. Thought him being there would bring a smile to Hux’s face.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been walking until he reaches his apartment, entering the run-down building and storming up the stairs to his room. He gets inside, wiping the last of the tears from his eyes. He will not cry over this, not anymore at least. He will not give Hux or _anyone_ the satisfaction of seeing how much this affected him.

(The fact he just stormed through the streets of New York with tears running down his face is something he would rather not think about.)

He’s just collapsed onto his bed when the phone rings.

He looks at the ID, but drops the phone back onto his bed when he’s see it’s Hux. Let it go to voicemail. Let the man know that Kylo is finished for today.

Hux won’t leave a message anyway. He never does.

Kylo doesn’t want to break up with him. Despite the unsatisfactory arrangement. Despite the way Hux treats him in public. Despite the way he always swears that he loves Kylo, but just doesn’t want the entire world to be involved in their relationship, as if that gives him a pass for his neglect.

Kylo knows he should leave. But he won’t. Even if Hux doesn’t realize he’s an idiot. Doesn’t see how much Kylo loves him. Doesn’t see how his inability to acknowledge Kylo publicly is ruining them. Kylo loves him too much. He just wishes Hux would apologize. Wishes Hux would understand that the balloons were just supposed to be a nice gesture, that he didn’t need to sneer at them liked they’d destroyed his company.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by his phone. Glancing down, he sees the notification.

_One New Voicemail._


	34. Week 12: Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Afraid of losing each other

Hux storms through the hallways, focus directed steadily forward. No one tries to stop him, and no one gets in his way. If any of them suspect that he is on his way to medical, they are intelligent enough to keep their thoughts to themselves.

The door opens and he strides through dramatically. Some might say he learned the skill from Kylo Ren. At the thought of the other man, his gaze zeroes in on the person lying in a bed across the room.

He disregards every person and droid in his way as he walks over. He knows he shouldn’t act this openly concerned. Shouldn’t play his hand so obviously. But Kylo was an idiot today. Kylo jumped in front of blaster fire that was aimed at Hux, and Hux needs to tell him how stupid he is. How Hux would kill him himself if that blaster did any serious damage.

“Hux,” he hears a soft voice say. Looking down at the bed, he sees Kylo’s eyes are narrow slits, looking up at him. He must still be on pain killers, because he allows a small smile to appear on his lips, one which Hux must fight every instinct to keep from returning.

“What in the blazes were you thinking, Lord Ren?” He says, his voice low and angry. He keeps his hands behind his back so they don’t drop forward and clench against Kylo’s chest.

The smile doesn’t fade from Kylo’s face, and he lifts a hand as if to reach for Hux. It’s too much effort for him in his current state though, and it drops uselessly to the bed.

“They were going to kill you. I heard them thinking it. You’re…” he stops, talking too much effort for him right now. But if he stops talking, Hux will rail at him and Kylo can’t have that. Not before Hux knows his reasons.

“You’re too important.” He pushes out, fingers clenching into the blankets. “Couldn’t let you die. Can’t—”

_‘Lose you_ ’ is what should go at the end of that sentence. Hux hears it as if it was spoken aloud. And the anger in his thoughts fades somewhat, allowing just a small sliver of affection to bleed through.

“So instead you let yourself end up in medical, healing from injuries that could have killed you?”

He doesn’t expect an answer and doesn’t receive one. He can tell Kylo is going to fall back to sleep soon, and he needs to get this out before he has time to second guess himself.

“You’re important too, Kylo.” He says softly, allowing himself to reach out and wrap his hand around Kylo’s fist. “If you died, I would tear the world apart in grief. I can’t lose you either.”

Kylo nods, but it is a barely there gesture which implies he’s drifting back to sleep already. Hux hopes he heard him though. Hopes he knows not to do anything so foolish again.

Because Hux would burn this world to the ground for Kylo. And Kylo would do the same for him.

It’s in everyone’s best interests if they remain living.


	35. Week 12: Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: "Don't call it 'fear of commitment' when what you really mean is 'wanting to keep your freedom to fuck as many people as you can'. That's lust, not fear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is extremely pre-slash. like, to the point that it's almost more gen than kylux. but i thought it worked pretty well for this one <3

Kylo has been sitting outside smoking this cigarette for what he thinks is his whole life.

Which makes zero sense, but it’s better than the alternative—that he’s been smoking this cigarette waiting for Hux to come outside and sit with him.

Because Hux just got dumped.

Well no. Hux didn’t get dumped. You would have to be in a relationship to get dumped, and Hux wasn’t in a relationship. He’d been in some weird sort of arrangement with some asshole who didn’t deserve him and hadn’t listened to Kylo at all when he’d told him it was a bad idea.

And now the guy had basically told Hux to get lost, all because he thought he was getting too clingy.

He hears a cough as a body collapses next to him, and glances over to see that Hux has finally appeared.

“Get it out of your system now, before I come to my senses,” he says, never looking at Kylo.

Kylo stubs out the cigarette, blowing the last of the smoke away from Hux before turning back. “What do you want me to say?”

“You never liked him, Kylo. You never liked him and you didn’t like our arrangement and now you want to say ‘I told you so,’ so just say it before I completely regret coming out here to talk to you.”

Kylo sighs, shaking his head and turning so that his body faces Hux.

“I had no opinion of him, other than that he was a jackass who was always gonna string you along and you refused to see it. I don’t want to say ‘I told you so’ for that, Hux. It’s too depressing to be right.”

“Don’t—” Hux cut himself off, looking down at his hands. His face was crumpled in sadness, which was not a good look on the normally confident man. Kylo frowned.

“Don’t say that about him. He’s just…afraid.”

“Afraid,” Kylo repeated, skepticism clear in his voice.

“Of commitment, yes. He thinks he’ll lose himself in a relationship. I…I should have realized that before I got so involved.”

Kylo scoffs, not bothering to hide his disgust.

(Admittedly, it wasn’t well hidden to begin with.)

“Don't call it 'fear of commitment' when what you really mean is 'wanting to keep your freedom to fuck as many people as you can'. That's lust, not fear. I know you know the difference. Don’t hide from reality Hux. It doesn’t suit you."

Hux glares at him, but the sadness in his eyes is too much even for Kylo. He lets his face soften somewhat, reaching out his arm and hugging Hux to him.

“I didn’t want you to get dumped, Hux. I just think you can do better than some guy who doesn’t appreciate how great you are.”

He doesn’t hear a response, but the wetness on his shoulder tells him enough. He squeezes Hux closer to him, wishing for another cigarette.

Also wishing to go punch the fucker’s face in. But that’ll wait for a later time.


	36. Week 12: Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: "Anxiety about something that should not, objectively, be a cause for fear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of wrote this one as a post-Starkiller drabble, but it's purposefully vague so you can really make this about any fight you wanna make it about

Intellectually, he knows he’s being ridiculous. It’s just a door. It’s just a door that leads into a room that he almost never enters without a summons. And this is the first time in several weeks that one has been issued.

He knows Hux will come back to him when he wants to. When he’s ready to forgive him, and welcome him back into his bed. Into his heart.

But Kylo looks at this door, this simple piece of metal which separates him from the quarters behind it and feels a lump forming in his throat and a hot feeling rushing through his body. He is terrified to open that door. Terrified to go in there and talk to Hux. Even though it’s about business. Even though he swore to himself he wouldn’t breathe a word of his continued feelings for Hux until the other man was ready to hear them.

All he can think about is everything that could go wrong. Hux could know he was thinking about what they used to do in there. Hux could be with someone else, and sneer at him for showing up too early (even though this is the exact time he requested). _Millie could hiss at him_ and what would he do then? Millie always liked him, liked curling up in the folds of his robes while they both slept on the couch and if even she hates him now he might really lose it.

He raises his hand to request entry for the fifth time since he came to be outside this door. Once more he stops before his hand makes contact.

Hux probably knows he’s here by now. He always seemed to have some sort of latent Force ability when it came to sensing Kylo’s presence. He’s probably waiting for Kylo to make up his mind about what he’s doing here.

But all Kylo can focus on is the idea that Hux doesn’t want to see him. He summoned Kylo but it was a mistake and now he wishes the other man would go away and Kylo knows he’s being stupid. Knows he needs to just get through this door and figure it out. Figure Hux out. Go over what they need to go over and then leave the room as if coming in here alone with Hux isn’t one of the most terrifying things he’s ever done.

If he could just get himself to pass through the doorway.

His heart beats wildly and the lump in his throat is settling into his chest and he feels purposeless tears welling up in his eyes.

He walks back to his own quarters. He will deal with Hux later.


	37. Week 12: Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: "fear of sex"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a super amateur attempt at writing asexual kylo, but as someone who hasn't ever written an asexual character before, i don't know how well it came across. even if it doesn't read the way i intended, i hope you still enjoy this one!

Kylo knows there’s no reason for it. He’s never been abused, never had a violent experience with it, never had anything happen to him that should cause him to be so _terrified._

But he is. And it’s irrational and he doesn’t know how to tell Hux about it. Which he really needs to.

Because a month ago he began a tentative relationship with the general, and he knows the man is running out of patience with his reasons for avoiding the topic.

You can only tell a man you are physically exhausted from training so many times before he starts to realize you’re lying.

But everything about it makes a hot, sick feeling well up in his stomach. Everything about hands going below chests, touching areas he almost never touches himself, makes him want to vomit. Everything about objects being _put inside him or him putting them inside others_ makes unpleasant shivers run up and down his spine.

It’s always frightened him, ever since he was old enough to realize it was something that people were expected to do. Something people were expected to enjoy.

Because he never really thought he’d like it. Was terrified by every story of the pain that sometimes went along with it, and the ways it could go wrong, and the ways it could steal your awareness of the world around you.

But he doesn’t know how to tell Hux, and so he’s avoided it to a point where he truly can’t anymore.

He doesn’t know how to explain this to Hux, and still have the man kiss him. Still let the man cuddle up against his chest at night. Because he likes those things. He welcomes those things. He wants Hux in every way _except for that one_ and he knows that if he tells the other man it will be over.

Hux will have no patience for this, not on top of everything else he deals with. Hux will drop him and while he will never air his secrets to the rest of the ship, Kylo will know that Hux knows his secret. The embarrassment will follow him for the rest of their time working together.

Kylo needs to tell him. But how do you explain to someone that while you might (possibly, in ways you’ll never admit) _love_ them, having sex with them is the last thing in the world you want to do?


	38. Week 13: Failure and Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: you are my greatest life success

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick heads up that this one contains mentions of mpreg, since I know that's a squick for some <3

Kylo entered the room, following the sounds of laughter. It brought a smile to his face every time, even if the reason for it sometimes caused him the deepest sadness.

Walking in, he saw her. His daughter. His Karissa.

Phasma was sitting with her, tickling her sides and making her laugh hysterically. He watched the two of them, taking in the small smile on the woman’s face as she tickled his red-headed spitfire. He’d never thought that Phasma would become one of his closest friends, but when one was in hiding, they learned to take friendship where it was handed to them.

Especially when that friend was just as lost as he was.

“What’s going on in here?” He asked, entering the room and pulling the attention of the two occupants.

“Daddy!” Karissa cried, running toward him with uncontainable joy. Phasma walked over at a more sedate pace. He caught his daughter in his arms and as she hugged the life out of him, he met eyes with Phasma.

He shook his head. Still no word. Still no sign that Hux was even alive.

It had been five years since they’d last had contact with the man. He went down with the dying gasps of the First Order, and when Kylo tried to convince him to escape, Hux refused. Said it was his job to see things through to the end. That if Kylo was such a coward, he was free to leave.

Kylo knew he was pregnant then. He hadn’t said anything with all their plans falling around them. He chose not to say anything there at the end of things because he couldn’t burden Hux with that information.

Looking back, he wished he had. Because that was the last time he saw Hux, the night he escaped into the black and found himself on a distant planet where no one would know his face. When Phasma showed up on his doorstep a year later, having tracked him through rumors and dumb luck, she was as surprised as anyone to see him holding a screaming infant with a head of red fuzz and big brown eyes.

She hadn’t said anything. She hadn’t needed to.

Hux disappeared, she told him. He’d last been seen during a siege by the rebellion, and no one knew if he’d been captured or killed.

 If he’d escaped.

Kylo searched for him, but without much hope of success. He remembered their last conversation all too well. Hux wouldn’t have abandoned ship.

Coming back to the present, he nuzzled Karissa’s head, feeling Phasma squeeze his shoulder as she left the room. They would talk later, after he put Karissa to bed.

He hated coming back after a search for Hux. Hated how his daughter clung to him, even if she was too young to understand where he went. And he knew he had to give up the search soon. It’s been five years without a word. And he couldn’t risk people realizing who he was. He couldn’t risk leading them to his home.

He needed to let Hux go. Needed to think about their daughter, and what the man would want for her. He looked at her, ignoring the way she squirmed in his arms, chattering away. He thought of his failures with Hux, although they were too numerable to count. But he looked at the little girl in his arms, and couldn’t help the warmth that filled his cold heart.

“You know what, Kay?” He said and she quieted, looking at him with an all-too-familiar intensity.

“What, daddy?”

“You are my greatest life success and I love you very much. I’d do anything to protect you, okay?”

She nodded, giving him all the innocent focus she was capable of. “I love you too, daddy.”

He hugged her again, ignoring her protests. It was time to give up on Hux. To let him go—one way or another—and focus on their family. If Hux returned to him one day, he’d be welcomed with open arms. But Kylo couldn’t live in the past anymore.

It wasn’t only his future anymore.


	39. Week 14: Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _Bring me that horizon_ by glass-oceans

“What do you want me to bring you?” He asked, stroking the man’s cheek. He paid special attention to the sprinkling of moles, tracing the patterns senselessly.

“I want you to take me with you, but we can’t have everything.”

Hux met eyes with Kylo, pulling his hand away. He knew how hard this was for Kylo. How desperately the other man wished to leave with them. But he was still so injured from the last attack, and while Hux would have waited for him to heal, it was dangerous for them to stay in one place for too long.

Kylo could do it. He often wore a mask and his face wasn’t well known this far away from the continent. He could stay here, heal up, earn an honest living— _at least for a little while—_ and when Hux returned they could sail together again.

He could watch Kylo fight again.

But that was all in the future. Now, Kylo had to get better and that meant leaving him behind.

He watched the other man shake his head.

“I’m sorry, Hux. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No,” he said, glancing behind him to see that they were almost ready to shove off. He looked around, ensuring that no guards had noticed the vessel and begun asking questions. “It’s alright. I know how much you want to be with us.”

He could hardly believe how difficult it was to leave Kylo behind. A year and a half ago, he would have cheered at the thought of leaving him and possibly never returning. But now the thought of separation was unbearable.

Didn’t change what was necessary though.

“I have to go, Kylo. It’s risky enough that we’ve been standing here for so long. I can’t stay.”

Kylo nodded, reaching out and squeezing Hux’s hand. He smiled, and it pulled at the scar tissue on his face. He looked fatigued. He was going to need to get off his feet soon.

“What can I get you while I’m gone?” Hux repeated his question, squeezing the hand back.

Kylo looked over his shoulder, the wind blowing his hair in a way that Hux would have called cliché and ridiculous. He also thought it was gorgeous, but that was beside the point.

They locked eyes again.

“Bring me that horizon,” Kylo said. “It’s what I’ll be watching every day while I wait for you.”

Hux leaned forward, kissing him as deeply as he dared out here in the open. He heard voices calling for him, and knew it was time to go. He pulled his hand away slowly, before finally turning and walking to the ship.

It was time to leave. Time to find other places to pillage for a while.

He went up on deck, listening to his first mate shout orders to get them out of here as quickly as possible.

He stared out at the water, the sun bright and the sky and sea blending into one.

A smile spread across his lips.


	40. Week 14: Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: He placed a hand to the cold durasteel wall and pretended that there might be a hand on the other side, reaching for him, too.

This was it. This was the end. Kylo knew this was how it would happen. He hadn’t wanted to lose, had hoped they wouldn’t lose, because he did believe his mother was wrong. That the government she’d dreamed of would never work. But at the same time, he’d always known that if they lost, he wouldn’t make it out alive.

He’d have to desire redemption for that. And he didn’t.

His only true regret was Hux.

Hux, who had believed in everything the Order stood for. Hux who would have gone down fighting if given half the chance. If he hadn’t been surprised before he could retaliate.

Kylo had seen him briefly as they’d been carted off to this…whatever this was.

Was it a prison? It was in a transport of some sort, but Kylo was pretty sure they were on their way to their deaths, not some sort of trial. There were too many people in the rebellion who wanted to see Hux dead.

Wanted to see _him_ dead.

And even if some part of his mother still loved him, she would know just as well as he did that there was nothing she could do for him.

He thinks about Hux, here in the bland, windowless cell he’s locked in. Thinks about how happy they’d been. Thinks about how stressed and distracted they’d been lately. Thinks about how he hadn’t told Hux he loved him before he left the morning of the attack.

He wishes he had. Wishes he could say with certainty that Hux knew how important he was before their deaths.

Hux probably did. But he’ll never know for sure.

So he sits here, wishing that Hux was nearby. That he could call his name and hear someone answer. He places a hand to the cold durasteel wall and pretends that there might be a hand on the other side, reaching for him too. Dreams that Hux is close enough and momentarily safe enough to think about him.

He just wishes they’d had more time. That this separation wasn’t going to be so permanent.

He presses his forehead against his hand and squeezes his eyes shut.


	41. Week 14: Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Kylo being a respectful partner, respecting that for Hux there is a clear boundary between work and personal life, and not doing anything to undermine Hux's professionalism.

Phasma had been surprised when she first found out.

She was one of the few people aware of the change in relationship between the general and Lord Ren, and honestly, she’d expected it to crash and burn as spectacularly as Starkiller.

She liked both men, respected both men (for the most part) but she didn’t think they would last. Lord Ren was too emotional for General Hux, she believed. His emotions wouldn’t allow him to accept chastisement from the general during working hours, and the general would never allow himself to soften while surrounded by the crew.

It was a simple concept and as much as she felt for them, she believed it was an inevitability.

It would have been the first bet she ever lost, if she’d been stupid enough to openly bet against them.

Because it turned out that Lord Ren seemed to understand this.

During work hours, he never became too familiar with General Hux. In fact, if she hadn’t been quietly pulled aside by Hux at the beginning of their relationship and told specifically, she probably would have believed it was a nasty rumor.

Lord Ren always listened to Hux’s scolding and yelling during the day. He shouted right back, but he never seemed to take it personally. He treated it with the same devil-may-care attitude he had before, and though his destruction of equipment had ceased, he always pushed right back.

Their tentative co-commandership hadn’t changed at all, in other words.

But Phasma saw them when they were off shift.

She saw the way Kylo smiled at the other man, his helmet nowhere to be seen, and brushed light kisses across his cheeks. She saw the way Hux would run his fingers through the long, black strands of Kylo’s hair. Both of their voices would soften from the harshness they carried through the day.

She’d even witnessed them apologizing to each other once, although she was pretty sure she hadn’t been meant to hear that.

Perhaps they could make it work. Perhaps their desire for each other (in whatever way it manifested) was enough to level out their extremely differing personalities. Perhaps Kylo’s apparent understanding of Hux’s clear boundary lines would be enough to keep them going for longer than a month.

Phasma could only hope. She was tired of having to train new troopers after old ones were killed.


	42. Week 14: Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: second skin - a boundary between one's body and everything outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this was exactly what the prompt was going for, but you write what feels right, you know?

Hux had boundaries. It wasn’t even a secret. Everyone knew that the general didn’t welcome familiarity, that he didn’t appreciate it when people stood too close, he didn’t like it when people he wasn’t prepared for shook his hand.

His boundaries were legendary.

What no one expected were Lord Ren’s boundaries. Because they weren’t as apparent as Hux’s own. Ren stood close to intimidate people, he came right up to Hux to deliver news (he seemed to live in a constant suspicion about being overheard).

But there was something else.

Lord Ren had an invisible barrier between himself and people he didn’t trust or respect. If he didn’t want a trooper too close to him, it was as if they were physically incapable of getting close. They’d stand at such a distance that it almost seemed ridiculous.

In Hux’s more exhausted moments, he thought Lord Ren used the Force to achieve this.

Although Ren would have been the first to tell him that’s not how the Force works.

But it made it apparent that Hux’s company was at least somewhat welcomed.

Because Hux never had this issue. He could stand right in Ren’s personal space, could get to him easily to yell or discuss strategy or very occasionally share a joke that went right over the heads of everyone around them.

Those instances were few and far between, but they _did happen._

And it took a while for Hux to realize that while the troopers couldn’t stand too near, that people Ren wasn’t trying to torture couldn’t seem to even graze against his cloak without some sort of visceral reaction from the man, Hux was allowed in.

Hux was accepted in a way no one else was, and he wasn’t sure what to do with that. Wasn’t sure he wanted to figure it out.


	43. Week 17: Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Going commando under the robes/poof poof pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry for the radio silence the last couple weeks.   
> If you follow me on tumblr, you know that irl stuff sort of exploded a few weeks ago, and I needed a bit of time to get back into the swing of writing. I hope to eventually go back and respond to a couple of the prompts from the two weeks i missed, but i really needed those weeks away from writing. Hope you enjoy!

Hux stared in awe as the realization struck him.

He’d been with Kylo for some time, and while the man was comfortable with being physical, he was careful to never let Hux see him disrobing. Hux assumed it was a holdover from his injuries at Starkiller. He didn’t like people to see the scars on his side, and usually didn’t come toward Hux with his clothes off unless he knew they’d both be too distracted to pay attention.

So it comes as a blow when Hux realizes one day that Kylo…isn’t wearing anything under those robes. He feels his heart pick up speed and can’t help the bright color that flushes onto his cheeks as he puts it together.

_Damn his red hair._

But he sees Kylo in the training room one afternoon, his outer robes discarded and only his shirt and leggings on underneath. And Hux has seen him naked enough times to know that what he’s seeing _right now_ is nearly the same as what he’d see if Kylo was naked.

He can’t decide if he’s exceedingly jealous or turned on. It might be both.

All he knows is that he wants to walk down into that training room, knock Kylo off his feet, and take him right in the open where anyone could see. He isn’t going to manage to get any work done today, and Kylo is going to be ordered to his quarters tonight whether Snoke has a mission for him or not.

He doesn’t know if this revelation was a blessing or a curse.


	44. Week 17: Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: The Emperor gave him a full pardon and set him free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to Chapter 9 (the prompt was "The Sign by Ace of Base"). It's sort of angsty, but I always wanted to go back and sort of...conclude that one a little? idk, it got a bit long for a drabble but i'm happy with it. I hope you like it!

He’d been in hiding for the past year. He’d gone as far into the outer regions of the Empire as he dared to go, and begun a life for himself on a planet where no one would know who he was.

Where he could be without the title of Kylo Ren. Where he could be something other than the consort of the Emperor.

And for a while, it had been essential that he did this. For the first months after he left, he’d heard many rumors through the different channels he watched. People searching for the Emperor’s consort, trying to find out what happened to him. Thinking he’d been kidnapped. Thinking he’d defected.

Thinking he’d been lying to Hux the entire time.

And he wished he could tell the world how wrong they were. Wished he could explain what it felt like to create something with someone, believing that you will share it for all time. How it feels when one day you wake up and realize that you have been pushed out of that dream completely.

How it feels when you realize that you don’t have to live like that.

He still loved Hux. He would always love Hux. And his leaving had nothing to do with whether his love and loyalty was real or not. But Hux couldn’t be his anymore and to keep them tied together would have been unfair.

He wished he could have explained all this to Hux, but he’d known staying any longer would have been complete stupidity. Hux would have talked him into staying and they'd have continued exactly as they were. Unhappy and stuck.

And then two months ago, all the rumors stopped.

Hux hadn’t begun any new relationships. Hux hadn’t officially called off the search for his consort, as far as he knew. But according to Kylo’s sources, it was no longer a high priority.

He worried less, even if it did make his heart hurt.

So when one day there was a knock at his door, he thought nothing of it. He’d become relatively well liked on this little planet, where everyone thought he was just the lonely outsider who helped with the machines every now and again.

But when he opened the door, it wasn’t any of them. It was Phasma. Neither of them looked as surprised as they should have been.

“’ello Kylo.” She said, her voice soft and devoid of emotion. He squeezed the sides of the door frame, nodding at her but not moving.

“Phasma.”

She looked down at her hands where he realized she held a missive. She handed it over, looking at him intently.

“You’ve received a full pardon. He won’t be looking for you anymore. But you need to read that.”

He looked at the letter, noticing how she didn’t move. Probably to make sure he read it and didn’t fling it away in a fit of emotion.  Like he’d been considering a moment before.

_‘Kylo,’_ the letter began. _‘I am sure by now Phasma has informed you that I’ve called everyone off. You are forgiven of any wrong doings the bounty hunters may have believed you were guilty of. You are free to live your life wherever you’ve ended up, without concern that they’ll come beating down your door one day._

_You’re free of me._

_But do not think that I’ll ever understand. Do not think I’ll ever stop loving you. Do not think that I’ll ever stop trying to return to being the person you once loved._

_Phasma has sworn not to tell me where you are. Your secret is safe with her. But if one day you ever wish to reach out again, know that I’m always here._

_H._

Kylo felt his eyes burning with the tears he hadn’t shed in at least a year. He looked back up at Phasma, still silent and steady in his doorway. She didn’t reach out for him, but he could see the sadness in her eyes.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. “Both of you.”

She nodded. He didn’t invite her in, and as she turned away, he felt the weight shift off his shoulders.

He took a breath, a knot in his chest loosening.

And if he found himself crying in the darkness that night, it was no one’s business. Freedom is always a heavy thing.

 


	45. Week 24: Fairy Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: true love only happens in fairy tales

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh, i'm so sorry i stopped posting to this. KRB Minibang ate my entire existence over the summer, and while i'm super happy with the result, it meant that i had zero motivation to write anything outside that universe. But I'm back (hopefully)! And I hope you enjoy this drabble!
> 
> Since it has been a while, please remember that this is only loosely edited, so if you catch any typos please let me know :)

Kylo knew the difference between reality and fantasy. He’d grown up in a home where his mother always talked about the way good won over evil. How what seemed like a hopeless situation in the days of her childhood grew into something that could defeat great tyranny.

She talked about how the most frustrating people in your life could become the most important. The closest of friends and the dearest of loves.

His mother talked about a lot of things. And he’d believed her.

Until he was old enough to understand the quiet conversations she would have with Uncle Luke at night. The ones about how the ‘great republic’ wasn’t as cohesive as she’d dreamed. Until he was old enough to understand that just because his parents didn’t shout when he was in the room, didn’t mean they weren’t fighting.

His mother tried to craft him a fantasy. Where there were no secret familial relations and there were no gray areas in life.

And that wasn’t real.

Peace was a fantasy. Hope was an illusion. True Love only happens in fairy tales.

He’s older now. He’s destroyed everything in his path that reflected his old life. The only thing between him and complete victory is the destruction of a person he secretly knows he will never be able to destroy.

But he lies in bed at night, either alone or in the company of a man who reminds him daily that this is “only a convenient distraction” and thinks about his life. Thinks about that man. The one who he quarrels and fights with daily. The one who makes him so furious he sometimes wishes Lord Snoke had commanded him to kill the general after their mutual failure.

But something always stops him. It is the same clenching of his chest that forces him to accept that his mother will never die at his hand.

True love doesn’t exist. But somehow, the general has wormed into the cracks of Kylo’s empty heart. He has managed to make himself _important._

And that’s almost worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Come join the fun at [the kylux cantina](http://kyluxcantina.tumblr.com) and say hi on [my tumblr](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com)


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